Death, Divorce, and Intimacy

The blood moon rises to it’s high point and the humid summer night makes everything seem a little heavier. There is no breeze. Ava’s shirt sticks to her back. Her hair is sloppily tied behind her head with a few strands falling along the side of her face. She’s wearing a tank-top, no bra, and short jean shorts frayed at the bottom. Her thirteen year old son went to bed two hours ago. That means after an hour of pretending to sleep and watching YouTube videos he’s probably finally out.

She walks barefoot across the warm grass to her neighbor’s. She can’t see a person leaning against the garage under the shadow of the house, but she sees the red ember of a cigarette. She feels Paul watching. Frogs sing to one another from the creek and crickets call out from the overgrowth. She’s drawn to him with each step she takes. His two daughters have probably been asleep for hours. Paul’s done the dishes. He’s folded the laundry. He’s cleaned the kitchen. It’s that last ninety minutes before bed that destroys him.

Two houses sit next to one another with something missing. Fireflies flash in and out of existence, Ava feels his hands on her before he’s within reach. Neither one of them are ready to introduce new people into their homes. They’ve come up with an elicit compromise. He flicks the cigarette and Ava watches the ember tumble into the sky until it vanishes like a another firefly. He grabs her as if he’s lost something and he’s terrified to lose it again. He wants to cry. But he never does. Ave’s body goes limp and he squeezes tighter holding her up.

All that sadness makes Ava’s pain disappear. Death and divorce swirling around a stagnant summer night like the gas in the gas chamber, Paul’s hands tremble as he holds Ava’s face. They look into one another searching for something but finding something else. And the only question either of them has is, will it be enough? They kiss. Their mouths open too wide. Their tongues push into one another with too much force. Their hands pull one another with too much strength. It isn’t enough.

Ava drops to her knees and unbuckles Paul’s belt. She unzips his fly. She tugs until his jeans and boxers are down to his thighs. She looks up. Paul’s staring out into the yard that hasn’t been mowed in over a month. She takes him into her mouth and she wishes he’d shudder or moan, but he’s still. He rests his hand on the back of her head and she takes him deeper into her throat. She closes her eyes and imagines she’s sucking his pain out of him. Her lips press into his shaft. She swirls her tongue. She pushes all the way down until she has to cough his cock out. Some nights this goes on for what seems like forever. Other nights it only lasts a few minutes before he pulls her up by her hair and throws her against the garage. Ava wishes just once he’d finish in her mouth. She wants to do something kind and selfless, something that shows Paul she genuinely cares.

But tonight is a short night. He lifts Ava to her feet. There’s a moment where their eyes focus on one another. What Paul is searching for is either found or it will never be found. He isn’t sure if he’d know the difference. His eyes narrow. His teeth grind. His jaw clenches. And he spins Ava around throwing her against the aluminum garage door. The thud is cripplingly loud and the sound seems to carry far beyond their homes. He pulls her shorts down and they fall around her ankles. He grabs the back of her neck and mushes her face into the wall. With his other hand he guides himself into her. She’s dripping and he finds the deepest part of her almost instantly.

One violent thrust after another, Ava holds still. What she can’t give with her mouth she gives with her pussy. It isn’t particularly pleasurable. There’s no connection between them. It feels like his thoughts and her thoughts aren’t even two ships passing in the night. They’re two ships run aground in separate oceans and those oceans have evaporated. More than anything, when she starts to cry it’s that feeling of isolation that does it. She can’t cry until she feels it and Paul can’t cum until Ava cries. Her tears fall and Paul groans. His cum explodes into her and she remains still.

He doesn’t linger. He never lingers. In the beginning they used to talk for a while before Ava went home and Paul went to bed. But now Ava lifts her shorts as he leaks out of her. She kisses his trembling cheek. And then she walks back through the overgrown grass to her home. The frogs and crickets sing and fireflies flash in and out of existence.